"Love must be learned, and learned again and again; there is no end to it. Hate needs no instruction, but waits only to be provoked." -Katherine Anne Porter
My lovely Aunt Rhonda gave me a book called 'Sacred Marriage,' and it has truly provoked me. On the front of it, it says "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"
We've been married for a little over five months and I am truly thankful for my husband and his love, friendship and companionship. I truly respect him and the way that he lives wholeheartedly what he believes and doesn't give up. It has been a true journey and adventure to walk through this past year with all of it's joys, surprises, and tears.
I'm not sure where it comes from, perhaps Hollywood and it's countless love stories, but there's some sort of ideal in the hearts of multitudes that once we find that special person and get married, we will be somehow complete. We will never be lonely again. Perhaps especially living overseas, it's the number one thing that I hear about from other girls. It spans cultures, ages, nations. It's the thing that they cry about the most, worry about the most, harbor anger and distrust in their heart toward God about the most...will I get married? Will someone find that I am lovely and choose me as their own? Will someone really love me until death do us part? It's very real and a place of great pain and anticipation. There is a desire in the human heart to join our lives with another. No one is isolated in their desire for this. Even God says "It's not good that man should be alone..."
I'm just at the very beginning of the very beginning of a married life and I'm excited for the years to come. However, I've found, that being married is nothing like the Hollywood fairy tale where we ride off into the sunset on a white horse. I think that I may have cried more in this last year than in the last five years put together. Marriage hasn't answered all of the deepest longings of my heart, and somehow I don't think that it's supposed to. There are places in our heart that are for God and God alone. Being married has been so good and a true gift of God. I have someone to laugh and cry with. We pray together and eat together. We dream together about the future and how we want to make a difference in this world. Marriage has brought so much joy to my life. It has also forced me to confront my selfishness and brokenness like nothing else has. I've had to search my heart countless times and sift through my dreams and hopes and lay them down over and over again. My life is no longer just about me and what I want. It's something totally different now.
Even today I was telling Houser, I feel like all of my friendships have changed. There's some invisible barrier now with a lot of my friends who are single, even here in India. I love them the same and I'm still the same person, but somehow our relationships have drastically changed and I feel the loss. There's something about marriage that changes your entire life.
This book that I'm reading is very interesting and I believe gives a healthy perspective on marriage.
"Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly begin to understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness." -Gary Thomas
